Friends;朋友
Monday.Blues.
School as usual. Idk why i keep blogging these days. But well, i'd rather crap here than to let is place die.
Physics test during aep. Cmi. Didn't go for CIP today. Goanna do double next week.
| “True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.” | |
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Friends.
Can someone give me a definition for it? Why do we need to have friends? What are a friend's job?
sometimes, i really do wonder, who's really out there for me. I feel as though i'm being broken up into pieces. I've got close friends around, but none of them are actually really very close to me. IDK why, but i kept thinking about my friends these days. When gingin was around, i used to talk to him about them, also shared some with girlgirl. But yeah, all they can give is comfort. I wasn't asking for anything, i just need a person to talk to. Someone times, i really don't know who to turn to. I feel as though my friends are like classified into the things i've faced. Its like i turn to one person when i'm sad, and another when i'm happy, and another when i have troubles. Yes, i do spend time with them, but idk what is lacking, i just feel emptiness. Sometimes, i don't even dare to trust friends. Did those betrayal things caused this? Those had passed for over a year, but why do i keep thinking about it? Why am i so afraid to turn to mama now?
Yeah, i feel as though i'm not part of this clique. IDK if any of you will see this, but if you do happen to pass by, please don't get angry over what i'm goanna say. This is from me. Yes, this is how i feel. I kinda feel like how it was last year, when was with him , and i didn't tell you guys about anything. I feel as though you guys don't care, you guys don't need me. You guys showed me the true friend side during the bbq, after knowing about how you guys worry for me when i was with him. It really touched me.
This little clique of us, made by two different cliques. It used to me Yokemun, Angeline, Amelia, Justina, Me. but now, Justina, Angeline and me. I used to be real close with Amelia, yeah. I kinda missed those times, but now, we're just like enemies. Only communicate when needed to solve committee stuffs. We don't even talk, we don't even smile at each other at all. And till now, i still don't know the reason why. Was it 'cause of him? cause of his influences? idk. Next up is justina, justina and angeline has always been there for me. Giving me help whenever i needed. nanamama's always there for me when i'm feeling unwell, and really caring for me like a real mum. I really don't know how would life be without her. Haven't seen her for a few days already, she hasn't been coming down for recess lately, and i kinda missed her naggins, when i don't eat. :) Angeline, known you since primary school, but got to know you alot better during sec2. thanks for those chinese tutorings, and that nice talk on the way for bbq, last year. :)
sometimes, just thinking 'bout those memories with them, its really nice. think about those times we quarrelled. Yeah, sometimes, i do think that you guys don't understand me, since, you'all have been together for almost four years, already, but i'd only joined you all in end of sec2. But nanamama really proved me wrong. I really don't know how to thank you guys for all the thoughtful words ya'll had been giving me. I know, you guys care alot for me, and sometimes, have some questions that you'all die to know, but yet still kept quiet, knowing that i might get upset about it. Really, i'd never find such friends like you guys elsewhere. But just sometimes, your actions make me feel as though i'm nothing. i feel as though i'm been forgotten. afterall, i thin you guys should have known about me complaining but about all of you being in pure sciences and i'm the only one in combined science, blahblahblah. Idk how i should end this, but well. I'm goanna do some dedications from next post onwards, for my beloved friends, cca friends, camp friends, classmates, all of them. :)
Not goanna miss out gingin, girlgirl and darling too. :)
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(L),
Yuyin